


Cock goes where?

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, M/M, Multi, Orgy, crack porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-01
Updated: 2009-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:19:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who really needs a plot anyway?<br/>I’ve been restraining my love for absurdity so far around here, but now is the time.  I have no idea what the hell kind of lube this would be, so just consider it Ultra-Lube.<br/>Warnings: Absurdity, and insanely bad porn, but I’m doing it that way on purpose.  If you’re weird enough, it might still be erotic.<br/>Sorry: Sorry about the Twilight reference, but I couldn’t help myself.<br/>Pairings: Assorted, it’s an orgy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cock goes where?

They were all sitting in the hot tub, being lectured on the importance of Cheerios in Italy by Charles who was unexplainably also in the hot tub. And of course, they all were naked. Suddenly they were engulfed in a bright glittering flash, as if a Twilight vampire had turned into a suicide bomber or something. 

As their eyes readjusted, they were surprised to discover they had all been mysteriously transported to a strange room. It looked like it was made out of clouds or some shit like that, only solid, and there were about a zillion sample lube packets in assorted pretty colors lying everywhere. And of course, they were all still naked.

“Oh looks” said Skwisgaar, jumping up and down excitedly, “It’s an orgy room, maybe ladies is coming!” His jumping broke a few lube packets, causing him to slip and fall down. That broke many more, and so a now very well lubed Swede was writhing around on the floor, unable to get back up.

All he managed to do was knock the others down, kind of like big, naked, hairy dominos. Now they were all coated in lube, and pretty much in a big squirming pile. Suddenly there was a shriek, and Nathan laughed, “Hey Pickles! I just accidently fucked the manager!”  
Charles was not amused, Nathan was heavy. Also, there was the whole dick-up-the-ass part. 

“Nathan, get off me! This isn’t funny!” Charles was trying to squirm his way out, but his path was blocked by Murderface’s slippery, hairy ass. He gave it a hard shove to try to move him aside, but of course his hand slipped. Murderface howled as he suddenly discovered there was a hand in his ass. No, not a finger, the whole thing. He had clearly been playing with too large of toys, if something like this could just _happen_.

Pickles was trying to crawl around to get a better look, but he slipped and fell face first in Murderface’s lap. Murderface took the opportunity and turned it into a blowjob, he needed something to go with the hand in his ass anyway. Toki tried to scramble over them all, but didn’t make it, falling on Pickles. 

Pickles, his mouth full of cock, didn’t have much to say as he was accidentally fucked by Toki. Skwisgaar, unwilling to be left out any longer, took a dive. Due to his fondness for dried up old ladies, he had a lot more experience with lube, and managed to aim. Yep, straight up Toki’s ass, driving him harder into Pickles in the process. His hand however, slipped badly, and somehow ended up in Nathan’s ass. 

Finding his oh-so-precious hand securely trapped caused Skwisgaar to panic, thrashing about wildly. This of course just made it better for everyone else. Murderface grabbed him by the hair and kissed him, and Skwisgaar, still trapped by the grip on his wrist, couldn’t pull away and kissed him back. With lots of tongue.

So let’s review here: Charles is smooshed and impaled under Nathan, who has Skwisgaar’s hand up his ass. Charles’s hand is in Murderface’s ass, who is getting a blowjob from Pickles, who is being fucked by Toki, who is being fucked by Skwisgaar, who is also kissing Murderface. Everybody caught up? Alright, moving on.

Just for fun, let’s have another Twilight-vampire-suicide-bomber-glitter-explosion and shake things up. Literally shake, like an earthquake. (Or a box of feeder crickets, if you prefer.) Fortunately for them, the combination of all this caused... what’s a truly horrendous way to put it... caused multiple eruptions of man juice throughout the pile.  
Finally they were shaken apart, sliding around the room as it trembled.

Then, because apparently magic exploding vampire fairy dust makes you really horny, they all started frantically squirming their way slowly back together. After much erratic scuffling, Charles made a suggestion. “Okay guys, listen up! We can do this! Here’s what we’re gonna do!” because Charles apparently also likes to talk like a head cheerleader, “Ready? Okay! We’ll form a circle. Everybody plug into the person in front of you! Go!”

So, you’re probably now wondering, can six too-lubed-to-stand guys actually pull this off? No, no they cannot. They slid into yet another squirming pile, a free for all because nobody wanted to end up squashed at the bottom. 

Murderface grabbed Charles, it was payback time. Charles fell forward, nearly getting poked in the eye by Pickles. So he wouldn’t have to worry about that, Charles decided to show off his deep throating skills while marveling that Murderface’s warped and calloused weenie felt quite unlike anything else he’d had up his ass this week.

Toki also thought that payback looked fun and pounced on Skwisgaar, sending him sliding up between Charles’s legs. Once there, Murderface’s warm, furry testicles landed on his face, effectively blindfolding him while Toki rammed balls deep into his ass. 

Then Nathan climbed up the pile and into Toki, leaning as far as he could in order to make out with Pickles who was on the other end. Toki, his face shoved into Murderface’s ass by Nathan’s weight, squirmed helplessly. Skwisgaar had managed to squeeze a hand underneath him and was masturbating to the best of his ability. A face full of balls and an ass full of cock made him very happy, apparently.

Toki, experiencing auto-erotic asphyxiation via butt crack, came first. This (and his struggles to breathe) triggered Skwisgaar and Nathan. Murderface was next, the ass crack stimulation and the manager’s tight asshole making it too hard to hold out any longer. Then Pickles. They all disengaged, sliding apart.

Charles, finally freed from the floor and able to move, immediately rolled over and beat off frantically while they all watched. It was so unfair that he’d gotten a cock shoved up his ass twice but didn’t even get a blow job. He made a mental note to bring this up at the next band meeting, then splattered his own face because he forgot to point it away. Oh well.

They’re still all covered with lube in some strange location, so let’s fix that. Have yet another Twilight-vampire-suicide-bomber-glitter-explosion type thing, you know you secretly want it. Poof, flash, glitter, and whoa... they’re all taking showers in their personal bathrooms.  
Yep, just like that.  
Was it all a dream? No.  
Is this the end? Why yes it is. 

THE END

see?


End file.
